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Posts Tagged ‘cope’

Sometimes all I can manage is to keep breathing.

 

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It’s interesting that they didn’t put it together. I felt very exposed, watching the musical “Next to Normal.” The play includes the themes of bipolar disorder, an absent mother, losing a child, and addiction. But I was told beforehand that I may cry because I’m proud of my cousin’s acting in it, but not particularly because of anything in the play. Hmmm… really? Do you guys not know what I have been going through? Have I not been acting sufficiently crazy around you?

My actress cousin approached me later and said she didn’t realize beforehand how close to home these subjects would hit. She was very sweet about it. And one of my aunts asked for more information about my experience of being bipolar.  My Dad had a strong emotional reaction to the play, too.

I’m glad that I saw the musical. It at once made me feel both validated (the writer understands!) and alone. One line was, “We don’t really know what it is, it’s just a collection of symptoms.” Just because my collection doesn’t include hallucinations doesn’t mean it’s any easier for me to cope. I’ve got the anxiety bit covered instead.

Yes, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder five or six years ago. I’ve been experimenting with treatments ever since. You know what works best for now? Being kind with myself, especially when I screw up. And continuing to be around people. I spiral into darkness through solitude. And hey, my friends seem to like having me around these days. 🙂 Woot. Meds help sometimes too.

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